so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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