textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
