i would punch a child for taco bell
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
