i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
