I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
