your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
