I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
