CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
