You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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