So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
