I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
