dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
