omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
