I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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