DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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