You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
