i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
