I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
