I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
