fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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