we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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