I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just invented taco cereal.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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