no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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