i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
