Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
