I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
