At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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