she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
