Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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