Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
