This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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