One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
