Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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