so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
