I want to make a zoo with you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
