I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
