No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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