the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
