I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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