does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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