I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
