does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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