3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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