so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
