Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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