the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
