JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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