I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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