I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
