Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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